The Checklist

Here's what you'll need  in order to get an agent:

1. A book (or proposal, depending)

I know this seems like a no-brainer, but you'd be surprised how many people call me on the pone about "this great idea for a book."  I can't pitch ideas to editors.  There's no idea shelf at Barnes and Noble.  Amazon doesn't have a page where you can purchase an idea.  Ideas can't even necessarily be copyrighted.  So if you have a really great idea for a book, I'd suggest you keep it to yourself until you're ready to commit those thoughts to paper in the form of either a book or at the very least a book proposal.  

2. Did I say book?  I meant a good book.

Never written a book before?  Don't expect your first to get published, unless you're some sort of savant (curse you Edwige Dandicat!). You know what Herman Melville's first novel was?  If you guessed Typee you are wrong wrong wrong.  His first novel was...we don't know because he had the amazing foresight to know he should throw the thing out lest some modern day editor find the it in a library somewhere and publish it posthumously.  Melville also wrote several short stories before he ever attempted a novel.  If you're starting from scratch, an agent or editor is the last person on the list of people you ought show your work to.  Writers groups abound in every organized conurbation, and there are plenty of online communities that will help critique your work if you  happen to live in the boonies somewhere.  There are several literary magazines and journals in varying states of failure across America and the English speaking world who would love to receive your fledgling efforts.  Start there and when you've been broken down and remade as a strong and confident author come find me.  I'm waiting for you to overpower my innate urge to reject things.

3.  A query letter

A query letter is a very very very (I cannot stress this enough) short letter, designed to convey everything that is important about your book (or proposed book) and about you as an author.  "How," you may ask "can you expect me to convey the most important kernel of truth that my book is designed around and reveal the most pertinent details of my internal life as an artist and creator in only a few paragraphs?" To which I would reply, "carefully, briefly, and a bit punchy, I don't want to be bored to tears!"  Mark Twain famously quipped "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead".   Take your time drafting this letter, it's the most important thing you will ever write.  Your query is my first introduction  to your work.  I try to make an effort read sample materials, at the very least a synopsis, but most agents never make it past the query, especially if you're query makes them think "TL;DR."  There are tons of guides on how to write a proper query, I would read them all if you have the time.  In the end though, there's really no right way to write a query letter. Each query letter is flawed in it's own special way.   However, if  you try really hard you'll be a step ahead of 90% of the other submissions an agent or editor receives on a daily basis.

4. Patience

Really this should be the first thing on the list.  You're going to need it, regardless of whether you have the first three things ready or not.  Unless you're unbelievably lucky, I would expect to be ignored for the few months your book is on submission.  No one will contact you, repeated follow ups will get you vague answers, or no  answers at all.  This is not uncommon.  Just be patient.  Make several submission and wait.  If you don't hear back from anyone after six months, then start over and try again.  Agents are in the business of representing authors who they believe will create income enough to sustain them both.  They are not therapists, they won't ever provide you with closure.  If they are kind they will reject you, if they are real mensches they'll tell you explicitly why they rejected you and may even provide you with helpful suggestions on how to fix your book.